Skip the humor and find out immediately how a rectal fissure may be healed.

For a decent drawing of an anal / rectal fissure, go to www.hemorrhoids.net/#picshem

For comic relief, go to the arse of the page.

For the acne cure that works for everyone, read on.

A Pain in the Arse and the Bad News

After suffering excruciating pain in the arse, bleeding and some fear, "my friend" had a colonoscopy to learn what his problem really was - hemorrhoids? cancer? what?  The pain was constant and only lifted with large doses of ibuprofen.

After the colonoscopy, the doctor told my friend he had a bad anal fissure - an internal tear in the rectal muscle tissue.  He couldn't tell the fellow what caused it, but he did say that he would probably have to live with it because anal / rectal tears do not heal well, quickly or at all - especially if the person who has one is diabetic or on coumadin (blood thinners). 

He said that if it got too unbearable, his company would stitch it up, but my friend would still have the same problem with healing - perhaps a worse problem.

And how many thousands will that be, Dr. Ike?

The Colonoscopy Company's Solution?

The colonoscopy company gave my friend some 2% hydrocortisone suppositories, and the doctor said he could take four ibuprofen every 4 - 6 hours during flair-ups.  That was very good advice since the fissure had already been 'flared up' for nearly a year.

Donut For One

He tried the suppositories, then the creams they gave him.  All this stuff, including several hemorrhoid remedies, made the tear much worse to the point of pain radiating outward through the muscles of the butt and even onto the skin.  Sitting at a desk was horrifying.  Bowel movements were tortures.  Cleaning up after himself was often a bloody mess.  He had to wear a paper towel diaper because of the bleeding and all the creams dripping out.  And carrying that doughnut around was a necessary embarrassment.

But what was the alternative?  Surgery that would probably make the problem worse.

My friend scoured the Internet for cures.  Many creams offered instant relief, quick healing or a miracle cure with a money back guarantee.  Most of them had the same ingredients as the stuff over the counter and/or waxes, oils or secret formulas.

That was four months ago.  Now the fissure is healed. 

My friend was very reluctant to tell me what he did to rid himself of this curse, thinking he could sell his secret - because what he did not only gave him immediately relief but healed the fissure.  But when he finally decided he could proudly tell me about it, I replied that I did not think he could sell this cure because most people would rather bleed to death or go for stitches than to take any ownership in their own health.

He said I was right; then he began to tell me what he did to heal the fissure.  Now I am going to pass the information on to you free of charge because you're not like the rest.

What you need and need to do the first two weeks or as long as you can afford to:

Supplies

    Dead Sea Mineral Salt - 10 pounds to start
        (This item is expensive at the Health Food Store - buy it online here.)

    8 oz pure Jojoba Oil
       (After researching the best quality for the price, get it here.)

    4 oz pure Tea Tree Oil
        (It is essential this is pure & certified organic, get it here.  Handle carefully.)

    A rectal syringe
        (An anal probe / douche found here.)

    High quality fat soluable Vitamin C / E compound
        (The best I know about get here - do not use hard grocery store tablets!)

    Preparation H with fish oil - 1 large tube (not the white stuff)

    Herbal stool softener tablets (non fiber)
        (Sunmark™ Stool Softener from any pharmacy)

Blessings

My friend said that until he received his supplies, he prayed. He said, I quick-shipped my materials, and while I was waiting, I prepared myself for a healing.  When I got my stuff, I opened the bottles of oil and the bag of precious salts from the Dead Sea.  I placed my hands over them.  I prayed a consecration something like this:

Hear my prayer, O Yahweh Eli.  I thank you for the authority to bless the objects of my hands.  Your Son once laid his hand heavily upon me.  Now I too lay hands gravely upon these your creations of salt and oil.  I bless and sanctify these elements to your use and service in healing my affliction.  Do not allow these oils to spill or fall upon the trash heap, but place them into service as agents of your unction, chrism and deliverance.  Empower these salts as the salts of Elisha (2 Kings 2:20). May my body and spirit receive them all and utilize them for your glory and testimony to the power of your name. 

Now may the blessing of Yahweh Almighty of Spirits, the Father and Son, rest upon these salts and oils and reside within them for the mission and ministry of Yahshua of Nazareth, our Savior and Master, to my painful flesh.  Amein.

The Sitz Bath

Here is what you do with your blessed objects, my friend said.

   Fill 1/4 tub with 105° water
   Mix in 2 cups or more of the Mineral Salt
   Place the oils where you can get at them in the tub

At least once a day PLUS after every bowel movement, fix a bath and get in. 

Using your hand, wave the hot water into the rectal cleft in order to clean off any debris. 

Cover your middle finger with lots of blessed Jojoba oil right from the bottle.  On first dunk, rub this oil over the external rectal / anal area.  The oil will cling, so you may gently cleanse the area with the oil on the first dunk.

(Jojoba is actually not an oil, but a remarkable liquid wax.)

Put more oil on the finger.  On this second dunk, push your finger as far up your anus as possible.  After a few days, this will be easy, but the muscles won't want to give at first.  Work at relaxing.  Cleanse the entire inside of the rectum with Jojoba oil.  You will be able to feel the fissure this way, then you will have some idea what you are dealing with.  Visualize the size of this tear right away so you can gauge it as it turns to scar tissue in the next few weeks.

Do this again if you can.

Pray this prayer while doing this.

Father Yahweh:
I claim the promise of James the Just -
I will get better.
Anointed with the sacred oil,
just as in his letter.
For righteous persons such as me,
Great miracles of healing see;
So grant, by faith, that I will be -
unloosed from every fetter.  (James 5:14)

Now pull the anus wide open with one finger while the other fingers wave in as much of the magnesium salts as practical.  Soon the sphincter will loosen.  Take your finger out and wave the hot salt water in the direction of the anus.  Use the douche if possible to either move the water in and out, or just to hold the anus open.  When tired of this, just enjoy the water for 10 minutes more.  Stay in 20 minutes.

Finally, put some more Jojoba oil on that finger and, with it, put several drops of the tea tree oil.  (Don't use too much Tea Tree - it must be diluted with the Jojoba and the mineral water.)  Jojoba is a carrier oil and has curative properties, but tea tree oil is a deep tissue antiseptic and anesthetic.  Put your finger back into the rectum and coat the area, especially the fissure, once again.  You should feel the Tea Tree oil doing its work right away - if you have any pain, it will probably go away immediately.

At this point you may want to shower - the salts really dry out the skin.  Or, before doing the rectal stuff, you may want to wash the rest of your body, including the facial area, in the salts to make the best use of them.  You will come out smelling like a clay pot full of tea tree oil.  It's a good clean smell.

As for the finger.  My friend has a long body and short fingers.  Sometimes he just couldn't reach far enough to do the job.  So he purchased a flexible-handled tooth brush and used the handle as a finger on those days that he just couldn't reach, or for holding the sphincter open while bathing it with salts.  In retrospect, he thought of better ways to do this because with the brush handle, he had to really be careful.  "If I only had longer arms and more slender fingers!" he cried out in frustration.

Again, this must be done every day at least once and after any bowel movements without fail.  I thought this sounded like a REAL hassle, but my friend said that he began enjoying the time off to meditate.  The routine became routine.  And it worked.

Preparation

It was after he described the sitz bath that he told me the importance of a few other things. 

• Do not eat foods with insoluble fiber, protein bars, crunchy cereals, nuts, or anything else that would go through undigested and undo your efforts.
• Use an herbal stool softener if necessary to have regular movements.  Do not use laxatives or eat laxative foods.
• Take 4,000 mg or more of vitamin C every day - not the hard pills, but encapsulated Vitamin C powder with E.  This really speeds the healing and stops the blood flow.  Take a look here if you think the Vitamin C need not be used.

After Two Weeks

Dead Sea Mineral Salt Bath is fairly expensive but it is by far the best for healing.  My friend said he could only afford a couple weeks of it but it did wonders. 

After he used his budget, he found that at Walgreen Pharmacy one may buy a large bag of Lavender Epson Salts.  He began to use that instead of the Dead Sea variety.  It wasn't as effective, said he, but it was very affordable.

What About the Preparation H?

Obviously, a bath is not practical at work or the movies.  If on the go, and a soul must go, take Cottonelle® or witch hazel wipes along - then use the Preparation H with shark oil (not the white stuff).  Along with your paper towel diaper, this will get you through until you can get to the bathtub. 

Showers

When there's no time for a bath, my friend told me he washed the area thoroughly with a non-detergent soap, then used one finger of Jojoba to cleanse the inside and one finger of Tea Tree.  Then he washed his hands very well with detergent soap.

He said he found a better oil for the shower - an oil compound that is thicker and stays put up there until bath time.  It is soybean oil with a drop or two of tea tree oil.  It protects, anesthetizes and kills germs for a long time - like if you have to be at work all day and only have time for a morning shower.  Then you can do the bath when you get home.

My Confession

Now I must confess to you that I didn't really speak to a friend.  It was I or me that had this problem.  Four months of this and I now am proud to have a shrunken scar inside there where the bloody anal rectal fissure once was - and the pain and blood is all gone. 

Four months of that???  Yes - that's what it took.  The alternative is to have this for the rest of one's life - on and off - mostly on - or have a wretched surgery and still have it.  Do the research!  The approach to healing is a purely biblical one.  And we know who is behind it!

However, I am so glad that I can pass this cure along to you. 

Go ahead and try those miracle salves advertised on the web - they probably won't work because a person simply can't keep that area clean enough to heal unless a regimen like this in undertaken.

And these things seldom go away by themselves.  Best to get to work now!

An English Lesson

One of my coworkers is from Shanghai, China.  His English is excellent, but I wanted to give him a lesson on one of the finer points.

One day I asked him the whereabouts of his office partner.  "He has a problem with his ass, I think," he replied in all seriousness.  Then I remember this other fellow was going in for hemorrhoid surgery and would be out for awhile.

I asked Richard (his name), "I didn't know so-and-so was having donkey difficulties."  Richard replied quizzically, "What do you mean by donkey.  He's having a problem with his ass."

Then I explained that "ass" means a type of donkey or horse.  "Richard, I think you mean 'arse.'  That is the proper word for one's rear end."  Richard said, "Oh - I just heard that he was having problems with his ass."  The know it all then said, "Well, Richard, now you know that the proper English term is arse."  With that, the English less on ended.

A few days later I saw Richard and asked him how his office mate was doing.  As grave as an undertaker, Richard replied, "He has a problem with his ass, I think."